The days have kind of become one giant mass at this point. It doesn’t particularly matter what day it is. Weekends are week days and vice versa. I get up, I try to be as productive as possible, I go to sleep, and I get back up to do it all over again.
So in order to mix things up the tiniest of tiny bits, I do try to put makeup on, do my hair, and wear real clothes at least once a week. It does help boost morale for me. I feel like a different person and it helps me channel what it felt like before all this happened. That is a feeling I welcome even if I don’t have anywhere to go when I’m all ready.
And then I colored Easter eggs. No it was not Easter. It wasn’t even a Sunday. But it was fun and reminded me of childhood and took me away into another world. The eggs were pretty and tasty, we ate the vast majority of them cooked to a perfect slightly soft boil. I actually wish I had another kit for another day.
And they kind of describe life perfectly in that they were a way to kill time, waste at least part of a day in this strange mess and they transported me back to times I’ve colored eggs before. Times when I most definitely was able to leave the house and have fun and go places. Times when I saw friends and hugged people. Times when my grandparents were still alive and visited for Easter and we colored eggs. Good times. Different times. Times I cannot tell you how much I desperately want back.
Further indication of that can be found in the jewelry I am wearing in these photos. The classic Tiffany silver I bought when I was in fifth grade. I can’t remember the last time I wore the necklace or bracelet, but a little toothpaste polished them up nicely and I liked wearing them. I’ll probably wear them again soon along with the Juicy Couture top and of course Reputation hoodie that did it’s best to keep me warm on a walk that was supposed to be nice but was mostly windy. Like really really windy.
Basically I’m sinking into denial. And I’m okay with it because it’s the only way to survive sometimes.
Top: Juicy Couture // Skirt: Draper James // Jewelry: Tiffany