I read a Goop article the other day that dealing with this invisible enemy is like dealing with grief. I found it to be a very logical way to describe things, and it helped to give me some perspective on why I am perhaps feeling like I am a lot of the time.
It said we all handle this and grief differently. Um, yeah. Even in our household. I’m … well … let’s just say not dealing with things as best I could. Mom is trying to hold herself and everything else together as Mom’s do, it turns out even when everything is coming apart at the seams. And Dad is trying to be the level-headed calming force, focused on work, perhaps a welcome distraction, but being more cautious than I expected honestly.
When I asked Dad if takeout appealed to him, he said he’d rather not. Given this is something I’d considered, I was surprised, but I respect his opinion because we all have different takes on this. We see different things, are alarmed by different things. That’s a good thing because it helps us see things we might have missed and have honest and interesting conversations about this and how it stretches more broadly into other parts of life.
The article also talked about the non-linear path of grief. Oh, you mean how I can be crying uncontrollably one minute and laughing about accidentally getting carrot peels all over the floor the next? But that’s life a lot of the time when dealing with crises big and small. Ups and downs, a roller coaster without going to a theme park. (Fun fact: I have never been on a real roller coaster.)
And life has a way of going on. Carrot peels fall. Survivor airs Wednesday nights. Washers break (yep, that happened). I make breakfast and lunch and coffee and dinner. I write. And take walks when it’s nice out.
There are moments when life looks and sounds and feels a lot like it would if this wasn’t going on. And that’s good and bad. It’s like when Granny died. It was hard for me, but I don’t think I can even begin how hard it was for Mom. But I was there, pushing life and her forward, which is one of the ways she survived.
Perhaps the tables have been turned here. I don’t think she can understand how I feel … I don’t have words for it most of the time myself. But she helps if not push me forward, reassure me there will be a day before too long when we can push forward.
Because that’s how we all have to deal with grief and crisis, push forward when and however we can.
Sometimes that’s just making giant bakery style blueberry muffins that also happen to be paleo. They are packed, seriously packed with juicy blueberries, which have just come into season domestically. They are always the first fruit Dad snags at Costco, and this year was no different. Grab a pack or two next time you are at the store and make these giant muffins that will remind you of your favorite bakery or maybe childhood or some other wonderful memory to take you to a different place and time if only for a moment. We can all be on this non-linear path together.Print
2 cups paleo flour blend
½ cup hazelnut meal (which gives a really cool almost cornmeal like vibe)
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon kosher salt
½ cup unsweetened almond milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
½ cup maple sugar
½ cup olive oil
2 large eggs
2 ½ cups fresh blueberries
1/8 cup coconut sugar, for topping
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Oil a muffin tin.
In a large bowl, whisk the sugar and oil until slightly lightened, about 3 minutes. Whisk in the eggs one at a time.
In a medium bowl, stir together flours, baking powder, and salt. Alternately add this mixture and the milk to the oil mixture. Crush ½ cup of the blueberries in your hands and stir into the batter. Fold in the remaining blueberries.
Divide batter equally among muffin cups – fill them up – that’s how these are bakery style. Sprinkle with sugar reserved for topping. Place on a baking sheet to catch any spillover. Bake about 20 minutes until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean or with some blueberry goo. Cool completely in the pan before carefully loosening and popping out with a spoon or offset spatula.
Muffins may be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days or frozen, wrapped in parchment and foil and placed in a zipper bag for up to 3 months. Thaw in the microwave about 1 minute.
Recipe adapted from Hummingbird High
- Prep Time: 15
- Cook Time: 20